


Too Bright Too See, Too Loud Too Hear

by L_The_other_consulting_detective



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Death, Fiki, Fili/Kili - Freeform, M/M, Song Inspired, Songfic, no smut sorry, underoath - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:45:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3392267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_The_other_consulting_detective/pseuds/L_The_other_consulting_detective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They grew up together, loved together and they were supposed to die together. Mahal is not always so kind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This just...had to come out. The song is Too Bright Too See, Too Loud Too Hear by Underoath and if you listen to it, you get a better feel for this story. I have the second chapter for those of you who need some happiness.

Thorin watches, his eyes dark and empty as his sister pushes her first child into the world and he feels a spark in his chest again, the breath of life and his voice joins the chorus of voices that night.

The tiny babe is everything he dreamed for a future that still seems mostly lost to them. They are tired and the Iron Hills are not where they belong, there is a wrong-ness deep in his bones as he watches his people try to blend.

_Good God,_

_if your song leaves our lips_

_If your work leaves our hands_

_Then we will be wanderers and vagabonds_

Fili is five years old when he hears the cries of his brother, the tiny babe instantly steals his heart and he doesn't care that the elders murmur the child will be strange, being born on the road with no stone around him.

They have been wandering for too long now and Fili doubts the tiny bundle his mother carefully places in his arms will be much different from himself. "Kili." He says and he can feel it in his small toes, he will say that name everyday until he dies.

_They will stare and say how empty we are_

_How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men_

They are fast approaching adulthood, Fili is fighting it, he doesn't want to be grown, not without Kili. They stare at the announcement of Fili's name day and his trials, neatly listed. Kili's face is passive and he hugs his brother gently.

They sleep in separate rooms for the first time since Kili was a tiny babe and Fili fights the rising panic that he will lose his brother. His nameday dawns warm and beautiful and Kili is there still, but there is a new distance between them.

Fili is free to court and do all sorts of things, but he fears them, fears how those freedoms will change him. The celebration is loud and long, as expected, but even their uncle can see the apathy in Kili, who has accepted his brother is leaving him behind for more adult things. Fili doesn't notice, he is so caught up in the laughter and drinks with their friends and when Kili leaves long before he should, Fili is suddenly left with a bad taste in his mouth.

It takes months to fix, Fili denies all invitations unless Kili can come too, he courts no one and refuses to change anything about himself. Thorin is angry first, but later he gives in, his heirs are together in all things, even if fate would not have it be so.

Kili's coming of age is an uproarous affair when it finally does dawn and the brothers are much more excited, in a way it is for both of them. Kili excels as Fili did, in his trials, and the feast that follows in splendid. Kili stands on his chair at the end and looks at his brother, "Uncle has told me I have the right to announce my intended this night!"

The roaring crowd and good ale cannot mask Fili's delighted laugh when Kili shouts his name and springs off the chair to pull him into a warm kiss. It is only later that they will realize that declaring your One as your brother may not have been in keeping with custom and they really have never cared anyways.

_Let us be cold, make us weak_

It is strange, Fili thinks, watching his little brother fighting the hoard around them, how strong they both must look when they are falling apart. Two figures cutting a bloody path, but he knows they are too few, he knows the price they will pay and before this day he never thought it would be too high.

He always thought he might fall, but never...never Kili.

_Let us, because we all have ears_

He hears the whiz of the black arrows, cutting too close, far too close. He doesn't want to listen to the melee around him anymore, he wants to hear Kili's voice in his ear, telling him he loves him.

Instead he hears a stunned cry and his own name being drug from Kili's lips, between harsh gasps.

_Let us, because we all have eyes_

He turns, he sees. The arrows have lodged themselves deep, one in Kili's shoulder, two in his stomach and from the protrusion, one in his back, coming through his chest. He is gasping his brother's name and Fili doesn't care about the fighting, about Erebor and lost glory.

He drops his sword and uses his body to shield Kili, his brother, his lover, his One.

_How they knew that this would happen_

He remembers the boys back home, taunting him, saying that he'd never keep Kili safe, never be able to properly protect him. They picked on Kili, saying he was too much like an elf and that he'd die like one someday.

Fili remembers hissing at them as Kili stood defiantly at his back, remembers the kissing and reassurance between them after. Now here they are, or here Fili is. He feels the burn of his flesh being pierced but it is nothing to the inferno that has become his heart as he watches Kili's body slump, his eyes are sliding shut and Fili screams.

He wraps his arm around his brother, pulling them flush together as his vision fails him and pain like none yet shoots through him.

_We're so run down_

_Good God! Can you still get us home..._

_How can we still get home_

The light shouldn't be there, it can't be real. Fili knows he is dead, he must be dead. He groans, shapes beginning to make themselves known in the harsh light and he picks out Thorin, heavily bandaged but standing. Not dead then.

He struggles for the words but Thorin shakes his head, "Rest now Fili, you're home." Fili tries to say no, that he is not home, cannot be home, when he is laying alone. The words will not come. He struggles for them until his vision fades again.

_I'm not dreaming_

The second time he wakes he is much clearer and Thorin looks so much healthier he dares not ask how long he has slept. He doesn't wait for anyone to speak, he demands in his broken and rasping voice, "Kili."

Thorin's face is dark, "No one blames you Fili, we know you did what you could, but he was already in the Halls when we found you." Fili doesn't move at first and then he laughs, a harsh and pained noise, pinching himself hard. "Liar." He says but Thorin's gaze is full of pity and a sorrow so deep that it tears back the blindfold Fili clings to.

"Why save me?" Fili rasps.

There is only a silence so deafening that Fili thinks the others can hear the exact moment his heart shatters.

_We're forgetting our forgiveness_


	2. Chapter 2

The Halls are not like he thought they would be, he always expected grand white or gold towering archways in a giant mountain. Instead he finds himself faced with something far more simple, small arches and bits of sky visible. He sees a way out from where he is and so he follows it, finding a grassy expanse and a house, just like the one that he grew up in with Kili. 

He is not surprised when the door bangs open and his little brother walks out, scowling. "Took you long enough!" He scolds and Fili laughs, "Sorry dear brother, the fever had its fun before it took what life was left in me." 

Kili is suddenly shy, "It was a fever?" Fili shakes his head, "No...after you...I healed but it became infected and I was sick for many months before it killed me....I wanted to die the second Thorin told me you were here."

Kili's frown is pulling his brows in the way Fili finds adorable and he leans closer. Kili holds up a finger, "I thought you died beside me, I thought maybe....maybe Mahal didn't want us to be together and that's why I couldn't find you."

Fili shakes his head, "No my love, my Nadad. I am made for you as you are for me." Kili's answering smile is blinding and he pulls Fili in for a soft kiss.

They do not speak of death any longer, only of each other and forever now that they are there and side by side, two halves of a whole. 

The tiny pieces of Fili's heart are healed and soothed by Kili, so what if they were dead, they were together.


End file.
